The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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