Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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