I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
