she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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