I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
