She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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