to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
