im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
