I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
