I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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