This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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