Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
