There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I forget how to act sober
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize