I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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