Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
