last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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