I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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