I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
