they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.