I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
