What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
