friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
