another moral hangover. fuck.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
