I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize