I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
