i permit you to call me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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