is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize