video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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