Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
