Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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