R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
