it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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