do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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