then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
