I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I enjoy the company of your penis
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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