i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Green mimosas i think yes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
