i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
