Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
