why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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