he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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