I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
