I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
