Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize