The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
