I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
