the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
