there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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