Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My apartment stinks of burning failure
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
