Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
