sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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