Jerry, you need to find god
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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