I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
and you fell through a lawn chair
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