I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
