I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
