he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
