just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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