I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My life is pants optional.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
