we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
