There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
is it fun? or sober?
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