At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
