dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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