I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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