I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
