You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
