fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Houston, we have a blender
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
