Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
