my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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