Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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