There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
