singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
